Friendship. It seems to be a continual hot topic as I help my kids navigate the teenage years. One conversation that seems to pop up the most is the difference between acquaintances, friends, and the “kindred spirits” of Anne of Green Gables. My eldest once asked, “How do you know if a friend is a kindred spirit?”
For my black Labrador Retriever, the answer to that question is simple. Adi is inherently friendly and eager to meet any dog that crosses her path. However, only a few dogs have passed from the “get to know you” sniffs to the “let’s play” invitational bow. It took an aging Beagle, a feisty miniature Schnauzer, and a Golden Retriever puppy for me to realize my pup tests other dogs. A test if passed invites a dog into her realm of trust and puppy play. A test if failed will keep my dog friendly but guarded.
What is this test? Simple. She licks their ears. If the other dog stands, like the Beagle, and permits her to do this, she backs away and gives a play bow. If the dog recoils in utter disgust, like the Schnauzer, or won’t stand still long enough to receive an ear lick, like the Gold Retriever puppy, she scoots out of their reach. What I love about my Lab is that she’ll try the same test on the next encounter just to make sure nothing has changed.
My daughter’s question prompted me dig deep within myself for an answer. Only through watching my Labrador did I realize that I too conduct a “test.” A test wrapped up in one simple question- “What book are you reading?” From years of asking that question over and over, I have found many friends a few whom I now regard as kindred spirits. These are the precious few with whom I’ve lowered my guard and invited to celebrate my good hair days, to see my bad hair days, and to speak deeply into my life. The sweetness of their friendship is a reminder of God’s goodness in my life.
“Perfume and incense make the heart glad, but the sweetness of a friend is a fragrant forest.”
Proverbs 27:9, God’s Word Translation
© 2024, Lessons from a Lab, Beth Alisan. All Rights Reserved.
Lessons from a Lab 
“What books are you reading?” That’s a friend-test I’ve never thought of, Beth, except you’ve reminded me of a sweet moment with our newest D-I-L years ago. We fell into a conversation about beloved books we’d read as children, and discovered we had many favorites in common, in spite of our age difference. I told her, “If we’d been girls of the same age in the same school, we would have been the best of friends!” Looking back, I was applying the friend-test without realizing it. Now, years later, I’m so delighted that our children and their spouses are among our “friends.” We so enjoy their company.
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Oh, I love this Nancy! There is an agelessness to certain books that can knit the generations together.
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I think the “What book are you reading?” is a good indication of who a person really is. I’ll definitely keep it in mind. Great post, Beth!
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Thank you Cindy!
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I love your question about, “What book are your reading?” We do learn a lot about a person by what books they read!!!
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We most certainly do, Linda!
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That is a wise question: How do you know if a friend is a kindred spirit?” I’ve searched for the answer too but it seems like I just usually feel it in my gut.
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The gut is a good source to rely on.
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Some are “friends” for seasons. Others are friends for the long haul, through every season, and somehow I just know who those are. Time tells the truth as well, proving that those who stand with me through the years are the real deal. Few and precious are those friends who stick through all the weather of life with me. I love Adi’s test. I’ll keep that idea tucked under my hat to possibly try someday. 🙂
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Such an invaluable insight, Patty. Especially as my teens will be leaving the nest sooner than later and time will tell which of their teenage years friends will translate into 20’s friends.
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I always wondered why one of the questions asked in my credentialing process was, “What books have you been reading this year?” Now I know! Another amazing lesson to learn from Adi!
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Thank you Pastor Pete! They say that “eyes are a window into the soul.” I’ve come to the conclusion that book choices are another window to that house.
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So very true Beth…I know I subconsciously test people all the time…glad you brought it up.
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Thank you Gary!
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Great. It makes me stop and think about myself.
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I love this observational study and the application of it – Adi is never short of worthwhile lessons. I can’t put my finger on what my own “test” is with folk…I do tend to make a point of asking “how are you doing today?” which does get mixed responses. In fact I can be a bit of a social Jack Russell terrier…I tend to keep going until someone responds to my kindness. Maybe I should try licking ears?😆
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Love this!! Finn has a bestie and two or three other dogs with which he likes to play. That’s it. You are perceptive to have figured out Adi’s test!! I have no idea how Finn picks his buddies — which range from 10 to 80 pounds!!
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Thank you Nora! Finn’s friend choice shows that he knows how to play big dog games and little dog games. He is well versed.
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Thank you Alan! I love the word picture of a social Jack Russell. My eldest daughter would describe herself as a social German Shepherd. Hope you are having a lovely weekend and that the sun has popped out in Fife. After almost 2 weeks of rain, we are finally basking in the sun here.
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